Height of over confidence

Height of over confidence B-)
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A man marrying his own secretary thinking she will follow his orders as before..!!!:P

Boy and Girl

Boy:- I Love U , tum iss duniya ki sabse khubsurat ladki ho .....

Girl:- Par tumhare peeche to mujh se bhi zyada
khubsurat ladki khadi hai ................

Ladke ne mud kar dekha to waha koi nahi tha ...........

Girl:- Agar tum mujhse sachha pyaar karte
toh kabhi mud kar nahi dekhte ...............

"I HATE YOU"

Moral :- Moral woral kuch nahi , bas ladki zara tez nikali .....

" Par Baat abhi baaki hai mere dosto "

Boy:- Jaisi tumhari marzi , but ab ye diamond ring
main kise dunga ..............

Girl:- Lo ! Ab main apne jaanu ke saath mazak bhi
nahi kar sakti kya .............

Ladki ne ring box me dekha .........

Girl:- Ye to khaali hai ..................

Boy:- Agar tum mujh se sacha pyaar karti to kabhi verify
nahi karti ki iss me ring hai ke nahi .............

" I HATE YOU "

Moral:- Ladki Jitni Tez Hoti Hai , Utni Hi Tez Uski Watt
Bhi Lagti Hai .................. 1 Like n Share toh banta hai boss

Definition of Love

Santa: What is difference between coffee shop & wìne shop?


Banta: coffee shop is the starting point of love and wìne shop is last point of love.

Santa and God

Santa: Log mujhe Bhagwaan samajhne lage hai....

Banta: Kaise pata? 

Santa: Main Park gaya to Log kehne lage- "Hae Bhagwaan, tum firr aa gaye!."

Financial Management without MBA

A Beggar Found Rs. 100/-
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...
He Went To A 5 Star Hotel For Dinner...
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Bill Rs. 3000/-
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...
He Was Unable To Pay!!!
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Manager Handed Him To Police!!!
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He Gave Rs. 100/- To Policeman & Free!!!
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Its Called FINANCIAL MANAGEMENT Without MBA..

All Men are same

The woman who invented the phrase, "All guys are the same." was a chinese woman who lost her husband in a crowd in China."

Marriage of Doctor

Doctor ki shaadi kuch is tarah se honi chahiye.

MEHENDI ki jagah DETTOL solution istemal ho.
BAARAT ambulance me jaye,
SHAADI hospital me ho.

PHOTO ki jagah X-ray liya jaye or kya khub ho agar KHANE me Vitamin C & B ki goli di jaye,
MEHMANO ko CHAY ya Cold Drink ki jagah Glucose & ORS diya jaye.

DULHAN k gale me haar ki jagah Stethoscope lagaya jaye,
Aur
majaa to tab aaye jab Dr. shaadi k baad bole
NEXT PLZ !!

Smart Husband

Smart husband

Husband sent a text to wife at night, "Hi babe I will get late, please try and wash all my dirty clothes and make sure you prepare my favourite dish before I return."

He sent another text, "Babe I forgot to tell you that I got an increase in my salary at the end of the month I'm getting you a new car"

...
She text back, "OMG really?"

Husband replied, "No I just wanted to make sure you got my first message."

Graham Bell invented Telephone

When Graham Bell invented Telephone
he saw
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2 Missed Call from Rajnikant !! :o

Essay on Garib

Ek Ameer Ladki ko School me Garib
Parivar pe Essay Likhne ko Kaha Gya. 
Essay me usne Likha : Ek Garib Parivar tha,
.
Pita Garib, Maa Garib, Bachche

Garib.
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Parivar me 4 Naukr the, wo bhi Gareeb..!
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Car bhi Tooti hui AUDI thi..!
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Unka Garib Driver Bachon ko Tooti Car
me School Chhod K Aata tha..!
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Bachon K paas Purane Lumia 800
Mobile the..!
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Bache Hafte me 4 bar hi Chicken Khate
the..!
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Ghar me 4 hi 2nd Hand A.C. the..!
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Sara Parivar Badi Mushkil se Aish Kar
raha tha....:p :D

Killing and Murder of English

Killing English

1. Principal To Student..." I Saw U
Yesterday Rotating Near Girls Hostel Pulling
Cigarette... ? "

2. Class Teacher Once Said :" Pick Up The
Paper And Fall In The Dustbin!!!"

3. Once Hindi Teacher Said...."I'm Going
Out Of The World To America.."

4. "..DON'T TRY TO TALK IN FRONT OF MY
BACK.."

5. Don't..Laugh At The Back
Benches...Otherwise Teeth And All Will Be
Fallen Down.....

6. It Was Very Hot In The Afternoon When
The Teacher Entered.. She Tried To Switch
The Fan On, But There Was Some Problem.
And Then She Said " Why Is Fan Not
Oning" (Ing Form Of On)

7. Teacher In A Furious Mood... Write
Down Ur Name And Father Of Ur Name!!

8. "Shhh... Quiet... The Principal Is
Revolving Around College"

9. My Manager Started Like This "Hi, I Am
Madhu, Married With Two Kids"

10. "Will U Hang That Calendar Or Else I'll
HANG MYSELF"

11. LIBRARIAN SCOLDE ," IF U WILL TALK
AGAIN , I WILL KNEEL DOWN OUTSIDE"

12. Chemistry HOD Comes And Tells Us...
"My Aim Is To Study My Son And Marry My
Daughter"

13. Tomorrow Call Ur Parents Especially
Mother And Father

14. "Why Are You Looking At The Monkeys
Outside When I Am In The Class?!"

15. Lab Assistant Said This When My Friend
Wrote Wrong Code.. "I Understand. You
Understand. Computer How Understand??

16. Seeing The Principal Passing By, The
Teacher Told The Noisy Class.. "Keep
Quiet, The Principal Has Passed Away"

17. Once Teacher Told "If U Talk So Loudly
I Will Stand Uping U"

18. Teacher To Students:Don't Spit
Outside, The Understand

Santa and English

In Eng exam, Santa made sentences of Given WORDS as:

 1. WHAT - Sita ko Ram k saath dekh kar Pappu k mathay par WHAT par gaye

 2. KILL - Sonu ne Deewar par KILL thoak k tasveer tang di

 3. DIG - Paon phisal janay k wajah se Ramu farsh pe DIG gaya

 4. MY - Hum ne ghar k kaam k liye ek MY rakhi hui hai

 5. PUT: Kal Santa ne plant PUT ditta ;) =))

expensive drop of female tear.

There is nothing more expensive than a single drop of female tear!!!

 When a single drop comes out, it first mixes with "chanel" eyeliner and "Dior" mascara ;;) ..then when it comes down to the cheek..it mixes with "D&G" blusher :and in case it touches the lips, it gets mixed with "burberry" lipstick
 This means that a single drop is worth atleast Rs15000

Department of Common Sense

Girls and Boys on Facebook and in Real

Are you from Paris

Desi Jugaad

Rajnikant and his students

Best Couple in the World

Do You know who is best Couple in the World.?

"SMILE N TEARS"...
Very rare they are Seen together, but when they are together it is the best Moment of Life.!

Engineer Life

Nice Creativity

People who eat pan masala in real

A Woman's Prayer

A Woman's Prayer:

I pray for:
Wisdom, To understand a man.
Love, To forgive him and;

Patience, For his moods.
Because if I pray for Strength
I'll just beat him to death.

Husband and Wife

"Honey," said by husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper."

"What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!" "I know all that." "Then why did you invite a friend for supper?" "Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."

Daughter of Great Khali

Heated Beated Compressed Husband

A Good Wife Can Bring Balance To Your Life

If Columbus was married than he may never invent America

Death and Boy

Death came to a guy and said, "My
friend today is your day"

Guy:- "But i'm not ready!".
Then death said, "Well your name

is the next on my list...".

Guy:- "Okay why don't you take a
seat and I will get you something
to eat before we go?".

Then death said,"All right.. ".
The guy gave death some food
with sleeping pills in it, death
finished eating and fell into a
deep sleep.

The guy took the list & removed his
name from top of the list and put
into the bottom of the list.

When death woke up he said to
the guy,
"Because you have been so very
nice to me,

I will start from the BOTTOM of the
list.." :O =))
Moral:...what ever is written in your destiny.... Will never change no matter how much u try to......!:)

Guide to Women's Logic and What men understand about women

Husband is not an ATM machine

Emotional Black-Male

Joke of the day

THE SOLUTION TO OVER SLEEPING

THE SOLUTION TO OVER SLEEPING

THE SOLUTION TO OVER SLEEPING

Proud to be Indian

Depressed Boy Asked an Old Man

Depressed Boy Asked an Old Man :-

Can There Be Anything Worse 
Than Losing A Girlfriend ?

Old Man Replied :- Yes...

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Losing Your Confidence
of Finding Another One!

OLD Generation New Generation

OLD Generation vs New Generation

OLD GEN:
Kal kare so aaj kar, aaj kare so ab

NEW GENERATION:

"Kal ka kaam aaj MAT karo,
usko kal tak rakho..

kya pata us kaam ko karne
ki jarurat hi na pade.."

Banta and Wife

Biwi :- Janu Batao Tum Mujh Se kitna Pyar Karte Ho ??

Banta :- Bahut Jyada
Biwi :- Phir Bhi Kitna ??

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Banta :- Itna Ke Dil Chah Rha Hai Ki
Tumhari Jesi 1 Aur le Aaun!!

Crazy CID facts

Crazy C.I.D facts : 

If you watch the CID series on TV, you might find this amusing. 

1. Daya has the world record of breaking most number of doors.

2. C.I.D bureau has 1 toyota qualis since last 11 years. 

3. In entire 20 storeyed building of C.I.D only 7 people work. 

4. There is no POLICE C.I.D handles every case. 

5. Accused person accepts his crime only after getting slap from Daya on face. 

6. None of them ever got married. 

7. None of them ever got promotion, not even ACP. 

8. Salunke just presses CONTROL & ALT & gets Finger prints tested. 

9. people remember a person they just saw once & give exact sketch. 

10. End of episode, all criminals get Fassi.

If animals have Facebook these are most likely to be their Status Updates

If animals have Facebook, these are most likely to be their Status Updates

:COCKROACH: "Managed to skip from some one’s foot step.. Man, I lead a dangerous lifestyle!" :-s

Cat: "My 7th child is asking who is her dad. What shall I tell her?? I don’t even remember" 8-|

Mosquito: "I am HIV positive.. this is all due to wrong sucking" :(

Pig: "Oh gosh they throw the gossips that I am spreading flu…WTF!! ">:/

Goat : "Friends, don’t go out, Eid is coming soon"X_X

Chicken: "If tomorrow there's no status update from my side, means I'm being served at KFC/Mac

Headlines of 2050

HeadLines of "2050":
1. Rajnikant in 'DHOOM-22'

2. 'GOLMAAL-15' ready 4 Release

3. I will play d next 'World Cup' - Sachin

4. Shahid, Saif attended 'Kareena's 8th Wedding'

5. Petrol - 984 Rs/Litre

6. Shahrukh Khan's Daughter bcums a Heroine wid Amitabh Bachchan in a Luv-Story tittled 'Chini Khatam'

7. CID completed 10,00,000 TV episodes

8. Nokia launches new Phone wid facilities lyk...
20 SIM Card,500 GB InBuilt Memory, Camera, Music & Video Player, Bluetooth, WiFi, 5G, GPS, TV, Fridge & Washing Machine (all in 1 Phone) !!!

Colour of Frequency

What is the Colour of Frequency?

Ans: Purple

How?

Frequency=1/time

means 1/sec

1sec = Ek Pal
1/Pal= Per Pal

Per Pal= PURPLE..!

PHYSICS hila kar rakhdi. :-)

Husband in a book store

A husband in a book store.
Do You have a book called,
"Husband, the master of Wife?"
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Sales Girl :
Sir, Fantasy and Comic section is on the 1st floor!!

Santa and Doctor

Santa revisits d doctor... 

Doctor: Dawai pee li thi nahi? 
Santa: Nahi doctor sahab dawai to hari thi. 

Doctor- mera matlab hai dawai le li thi na? 
Santa- ha doctor sahab apne di, to maine le li thi. 

Doctor- are yar dawai ki sheshi kha li thi na? 
Patient- nahi doctor sheshi to bhari hui thi. 

Doctor- abe gadhe dawai ko pee liya tha na? 
Patnt- are dr sahab peeliya (juandice) to mu jhe tha! 

Santa Banta

Santa- Yaar, Meri Ghadi (Watch) Kho Gai 

Banta- Chalti Thi Kya 

Santa- Haa Yaar, Chalti Thi 

Banta- Tension Mat Le, Jarur Chal Kar Kahi Gai Hogi 

Santa and Gulabo

Santa and Gulabo Santa goes to Gulabo's home 'n' knocks the door Gulabo- "kon...?" Santa - "Main...!" Gulabo-"Main kon..?" Santa-"Leh dass! Ullu di pathi tu gulabo hor kon?"

Santa Banta

Santa Banta ne Hindi ka home work nahi kiya tha. Hindi teacher ne unko ped par ulta latakne ki saza di. Thodi der latakne ke baad Santa neeche gir gaya. Hindi Teacher: Thak gaye kya? Santa: Nahi pakk gaya !

Courses in Pakistan

On a lighter note.....
Courses in Pakistan :-
M.B.B.S : Master in Bomb Blast System
DSM : Diploma in Suicide Missions
JEE : Jihad Enterence Exam
CAT : Career in Al-Qaeda and Taliban
CA : Complete Aatankvadi

husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their wedding anniversary

A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their wedding anniversary. 

The husband decides to give his wife a gift, a tombstone, with the inscription: "Here lies my wife.....cold as ever" 

Later the furious wife bought a return present, a tombstone with the inscription: "Here lies my husband.....stiff at last"

Difference Between WIfe and clock

“Bivi aur ghadi mey kya faraq hey?”

Doosra Aadmi bola:

“Ek bigarti hai to bandh ho jati hai……Doosari bigarti hai to “SHUROO” ho jati hai”

Answering a wife is like

Thought for the day:

Answering a Wife is like,
Diffusing a BOMB...
One wrong move &,
BOOOOOOMMMM.....

Pyaar k side effects

Pyaar k side effects

1- Kisi or khoobsurat ladki/ladke
ko dekh nhi sakte...
agar dekha to shamat aa jayegi..
:p

2- So k utho to musibat ko batao...
Warna daant khana pakka... :D

3- Khana khaya ya nhi,sab hisab
do...
:>

4- Raat ko call pe bat kro, warna
phir shak... :(

5- Galti se b 12 baje k baad
number bzy gaya to beta tu kaam
se gaya..
:O

Wife not well

Wife: I am not feeling well.

Husband: Ohhoo, I was thinking of going for dinner.

Wife: I was joking dear.

Husband: Me too,;)

chal utth ! rotti paka shabash. :)

When India Will Become Corruption Free

Three old men went to see God.

The first old man, an American, asked God when will his country come out of
recession. 
"100 years," God said.
The American started weepingprofusely. "I will not live to see that day"

Second man, a Russian askedGod"When will my country become prosperous?"
"Fifty years," came the reply.
Russian too started weeping profusely. "I will not live to see that day"

Finally the Indian asked God,"When will my country become
corruption-free ?"
God started weeping profusely. "I will not live to see that day"

Wife is like electricity

Wife is like electricity,
if handled with care they will light up your life,
but if mishandled will give you shocks throughout your life.

Guess what is it

I saw it with my eyes
but
couldn't understand it..
.
took it in my hand
but
couldn't
understand it..!
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Thought for a long time
but
didn't understand it..
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It is not a dream..
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It is not love..
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It is not even friendship..
.
It was
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"The Question Paper"

A husband and wife were involved in an argument

A husband and wife were involved in an argument both of them unwilling to admit that they might be wrong.

"I'll admit I was wrong", the wife told her husband in a conciliatory attempt at straightening things out, "If you'll admit that I'm right!"

He agreed and like gentlemen do, he let her go first.

"I'm wrong", she said.

With a twinkle in his eyes he said, "You're right!"

Woman's view about her husband

From a woman's point of view

- The most perfect man in the world is her father. :)

- The most abused husband in the world is her brother. :p

- The most handsome man in the world is her son. ;)

- The luckiest and happiest man in the world is her sister's husband. :D

- The most thankful man in the world is her son in law.

- And the worst, most selfish, heartless, total jerk and the man with worst behavior in in the world in her husband.

Lessons from 3 idiots

Teacher: ‘3 idiots’ film dehknay ke baad aap ko kya lesson mila?

Pappu: miss yehi ki..Enginering padh kar bhi medical ki ladki fasai ja sakti hai :D
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Miss: shut up & get out.

Babloo: miss mein bataon..?
Miss: very good, batao..




Babloo: miss college ke 1st day Underwear zaroor pehna chahiye :D
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Miss: u also get out.

Shamu: miss mein bataon..?
Miss: I think u are a brilliant student.. tum sahi batao gay..
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Shamu: Miss doctor ke elawa Engineer bhi delivery kar sakta hai!
Miss: u also get out.

GUDU: Miss mein bataon. Miss: HAAN BATAO...
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GUDU: FRENCH KISS MEIN NAAK BEECH MEIN NAHI AATI. ;-)

Students Rock!!

Agar Doctor film banana start kar de to film ka naam hoga

Agar Doctor film banana start kar de to film ka naam hoga

Paralyzed ho na ho
Hum blood de chukka sanam
Mari yaar ke endscopy hai
Kaho na Diabetes hai
Kash ap hamara patient hoti
Pregnant banaya apna
Kabhi ICU Kabhi CCU
Hamara stethoscope apke pas hai
Operation to hona hi tha
Phir haddi fracture
Om surgery Om
Hypertension for you.

If the Government Stops Funding Space Exploration

If the Government Stops Funding Space Exploration

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My Belt When I need to pee

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Santa and Banta

Banta : Wo ladki deaf lagti hai. Main kuch kehta hoon, woh kuch aur hi bolti hai.

Santa : Kaise?
Banta : Maine kaha I Luv U, To woh boli “Maine kal hi naye sandal kharide hain”.

Santa and air India

Once Santa was going to Chandigarh from pune by a air-india plane.He was alloted the middle seat of one of the 3-seats array.

But as soon as the Santa got into the plane, he sat on the window side seat which was actually for an old lady.

After some time the old lady came and requested the Santa to leave the side seat.

But the Santa told, “I want to see the view from the window and shall not leave”.

The old lady then complained to the air hostess .The air hostess requested the Santa to leave that seat but Santa did not leave.

Then the air hostess went and told the asst. captain. He also came and requested, but in vain.

Finally the Captain came. He whispered something in the ears of the Santa and the Santa immedietly left the side seat and returned to the middle seat.

Astonished, the airhostess and the asst. captain asked the captain afterwards what he told to the Santa?

Captain told, “nothing… I just told him that only the middle seats will go to Chandigarh and all others will go to Jalandhar.”

Santa Searching for Hidden Camera

Wife caught her husband Santa Singh searching high and low all around his living room.

Wife : “What are you searching for?”

Santa : “Hidden camera!”

Wife : “And what makes you think that there are hidden camera here?”

Santa : “That guy on tv knows exactly what I am doing. Why every few minutes he keeps saying, You are watching the Star World channel. How does he know that?”

Why Yoga is not Good

‎99 saal ka budda marne k bad
SWARG ki ronak or APSARAO ko dekh kar bola-

"Ye Sala Ramdev Baba ke Chhakar Me Na Pada Hota To; Sahi Umar Me Yaha Aa Gaya Hota."

Banta met the woman of his dreams

Banta called his friend Santa and told him that he recently met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do?

Santa said, “Send her some flowers and a card and invite her for a home-cooked meal.”

Banta liked the idea, so he invited the woman of his dreams.

The day after the meal Santa calls Banta and asks about the meal.
Banta: “It was a flop idea.”

Santa: Didn’t the girl come to your house?

Banta: She did, but she refused to cook!!

Santa and Banta

Banta Singh : “Yaar Santa, last year the name plate outside your house read Santa Singh, B.A. This year it reads Santa Singh, M.A.When did you finish your Masters Degree?”

Santa Singh : You don’t understand. Last year my wife died, I put B.A. to indicate “Bachelor Again”. Then I took a second wife, So M.A. is “Married Again”.

Donkey on Phone

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